Bite Me

I have an open bite. Basically this means my front teeth don't come together. Which puts a lot of pressure on my back teeth, causing me to grind my teeth at night and get exceptionally horrid headaches. The problem also makes it quite difficult to eat. I can't bite all the way through anything. This is incredibly frustrating. I really like my teeth, they are nice and straight, but the bite is messed up. It is bad enough to warrant surgery. A proper bite would be highly beneficial to my health for the rest of my life.

Getting surgery means that I would have my mouth wired shut for about two months afterwords. Which means that I absolutely must gain weight beforehand. I would need to gain at least 20lbs. Far easier said than done. 

You see, for me I can't just down a few extra milkshakes and gain the weight in a month or two. My body doesn't work that way. Maybe yours and 95% of the population's does work that way. But mine doesn't. 

I have a problem called hypermetabolism. That means my body processes food at an amazing rate and to compensate I have to eat a tremendous amount of calories to even being gaining weight. That tremendous amount is around 5,000 calories daily. I can't even comprehend that much. I really don't know how to fit it all in. If you are thinking this is a problem you would like to have, you are dead wrong. This is atrocious. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

On top of that I don't really like to eat.  My dislike for eating isn't something I can "just get over".  Our modern food is so processed and so filled with chemicals that I cringe at putting it in my body.  Furthermore, eating takes so much time and energy. Time and energy that I feel is better spent on other things in life. I feel guilty of wasting time when I spend it on food. Sure, for a few weeks at time I can push myself to eat upwards of 2,000 calories daily. But it is a lot of work and I never have anything to show for all that work, so why put in the effort?

As if all of this needed anything else added to it, it seems like the world is fighting against me. Most people are obsessed with losing weight and being thin. They can't even comprehend how anyone would actually need, much less want, to gain a few pounds.  I represent to them the epitome of what they want to be. The idea that I might need to actually be heavier is to them unfathomable. They often feel (and make remarks to show) that I am flaunting my thinness in their face when I eat in front of them. Actually, I have even gotten remarks without being anywhere near food. People just can't stand thin people. They probably don't mean to be snide, but it hurts that practically no one understands how difficult this truly is. 

Thankfully, my parent's are finally realizing I have a legitimate problem and that I need outside help. I checked out some books on anorexia (I don't exactly have anorexia, but I am coming from a similar place as someone who does), read some, and then talked to my dad about seeing a nutritionist.  My parent's don't have the time to figure how to help me, and I can't help myself. To my great amazement my dad actually gave me permission to see a nutrition counselor and even helped me find one under our insurance and in our area!  Today I called and set up an appointment.  It means so much to me to finally have my parents  support (and my boyfriend's, because I talked to him as well and he was also surprisingly supportive).