Friday, March 12, 2010

Bite Me

I have an open bite. Basically this means my front teeth don't come together. Which puts a lot of pressure on my back teeth, causing me to grind my teeth at night and get exceptionally horrid headaches. The problem also makes it quite difficult to eat. I can't bite all the way through anything. This is incredibly frustrating. I really like my teeth, they are nice and straight, but the bite is messed up. It is bad enough to warrant surgery. A proper bite would be highly beneficial to my health for the rest of my life.

Getting surgery means that I would have my mouth wired shut for about two months afterwords. Which means that I absolutely must gain weight beforehand. I would need to gain at least 20lbs. Far easier said than done. 

You see, for me I can't just down a few extra milkshakes and gain the weight in a month or two. My body doesn't work that way. Maybe yours and 95% of the population's does work that way. But mine doesn't. 

I have a problem called hypermetabolism. That means my body processes food at an amazing rate and to compensate I have to eat a tremendous amount of calories to even being gaining weight. That tremendous amount is around 5,000 calories daily. I can't even comprehend that much. I really don't know how to fit it all in. If you are thinking this is a problem you would like to have, you are dead wrong. This is atrocious. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

On top of that I don't really like to eat.  My dislike for eating isn't something I can "just get over".  Our modern food is so processed and so filled with chemicals that I cringe at putting it in my body.  Furthermore, eating takes so much time and energy. Time and energy that I feel is better spent on other things in life. I feel guilty of wasting time when I spend it on food. Sure, for a few weeks at time I can push myself to eat upwards of 2,000 calories daily. But it is a lot of work and I never have anything to show for all that work, so why put in the effort?

As if all of this needed anything else added to it, it seems like the world is fighting against me. Most people are obsessed with losing weight and being thin. They can't even comprehend how anyone would actually need, much less want, to gain a few pounds.  I represent to them the epitome of what they want to be. The idea that I might need to actually be heavier is to them unfathomable. They often feel (and make remarks to show) that I am flaunting my thinness in their face when I eat in front of them. Actually, I have even gotten remarks without being anywhere near food. People just can't stand thin people. They probably don't mean to be snide, but it hurts that practically no one understands how difficult this truly is. 

Thankfully, my parent's are finally realizing I have a legitimate problem and that I need outside help. I checked out some books on anorexia (I don't exactly have anorexia, but I am coming from a similar place as someone who does), read some, and then talked to my dad about seeing a nutritionist.  My parent's don't have the time to figure how to help me, and I can't help myself. To my great amazement my dad actually gave me permission to see a nutrition counselor and even helped me find one under our insurance and in our area!  Today I called and set up an appointment.  It means so much to me to finally have my parents  support (and my boyfriend's, because I talked to him as well and he was also surprisingly supportive).


  1. Danielle, I am really really sorry you are going through this-- I cant exactly relate, but I can sympathize. I hate watching Americas Next Top Model, hate seeing all of the advertizements and commercials that make girls hate their own beauty and lust after some one elses. We all are so beautiful in the delicate uniqueness God has created us in... I get frusterated when people look at others and point them out as imperfections or worse, idolize them as if they are the worlds standard of what beauty is. There comes a time when beauty's spokes person is someone normal and naturally beautiful.

    Even though I dont make many comments, I do read your blog regularily- this post hit home way too close. Ive experienced way too many eating disorders, and seen other girls ruin their life striving to reach an unreachable standard, only to be then ridiculed the other way! I totally support you and care about you deeply- you are in my prayers and I hope you succeed in everything you do! :)

  2. I found your blog a while back because I'm preparing for jaw surgery for an open bite. I came back because I was wondering if you ever did it?

    I'm also having trouble gaining weight since my bite has gotten bad enough that I felt I needed to go on a no chew diet. I need to gain weight for the surgery, but I just stay the same. It's harder than I thought to gain weight! I guess I was wondering how that's going for you as well.