Sunday, October 18, 2009

Life and Death

Tuesday October 6th my dad called me to say that his mom probably only had two to three weeks to live. The call hit me harder than I expected. I had been debating wether or not to fly home for a few days the next week. The news of my grandma cemented my decision to do so. Later in the day my mom called to say that they were wondering if Grandma would even make it through another day. I quickly moved up my plans. I would fly home as soon as possible.

My brother helped me make all the flight arrangements. (Thank God for my dad's job so that this was even possible!) Melissa from Insight gave me a ride to the airport. I was quite comfortable being in the LAX airport and flying by myself, just that uncertainty of wether or not I would make it on the plane is what got me. So, I was anxious up until the moment when I checked in and received a boarding pass with a seat assignemt. Then I was at peace.

My wonderful bestfriend Dan picked me up when I landed in DTW. He took me back to his house so we could wait for the perfect time to surprise my family. When I was finally able to surprise them later that (Thursday) night it was epic! It couldn't have gone better. I was a bit concerned that they might have some idea about my arrival, but they didn't even have an inkling! They were completely surprised. (I also completely surprised a few friends including Ashley, Josh, Jordan and Simeon)

I am really glad I flew home when I did. My grandma died early on Saturday (October 10th) morning. I didn't get to see her before she died and I was feeling kind of sad about that, but Dan and my Dad both encouraged me that it was probably for the better. This way I don't have to remember her  so terribly sick.

I am not very good at showing it, but I am tremendously sad about my Grandma's death. I don't have any grandmothers anymore. They won't be there when I get married. They won't be there when I have my first kid. It is not like I expected them to live forever, but I just really wasn't ready to lose them so soon in life. I don't even know if it would be any better later in life. We weren't made to deal with death.

Although my trip has been mostly sad, I have really been enjoying being home. Being with my family, yeah... even though they are super annoying and embarrassing, they are my family, I love them. And being with my Dan and getting the best hugs of my life. Dan has been completely perfect in supporting me through these difficult weeks. I could not ask for anything better.


  1. I'm glad you've enjoyed your time at home, even though parts have been hard.

  2. I’m really sorry about your Grandmother Danielle.

    I have the same problem with showing emotion. Maybe because the pain is too great or something. . .

  3. Thank you Iain.

    Yes, I think it does have something to do with the greatness of the pain. Most of the time I just don't want to face the pain. It seems easier to just deny that anything is wrong. Even though it eventually catches up with me I continue my pattern of denial over and over again. I working on actually dealing with difficult things in my life.