Wednesday, June 02, 2010

This life is going too fast.

Way too fast.

Seriously. At least 20% of my life is over. Yes, I am still young. But I am not going to stay that way very long. And I am increasingly more and more aware of that.

There is so much I want to do! There is simply not enough time to pack it all in to one life.

I used to be almost obsessed with just wanting to die. I used to think this life so pointless. I am not exactly sure what has made the change, but now I want to live.

I am not sure if I am afraid of dying or not. I know that it is supposed to be amazingly good. But still... I feel like I would miss a lot here.

I don't like having a job (or five... I don't even know how many jobs I have right now). I just want to be a wife and mom. That is all I ever really wanted. I can do sewing and photography on the side. But I don't want those things to take over my life.

Right now work is taking over living. It must be that way for now if I am going to have a future, but then work is sucking up my present life.

ok. sum up. I learned that there are some things in this life that I really love. I want to be able to enjoy those things. I don't think there will ever be enough time to enjoy these things until death (free of pain/work). But then... do these things exist in death?

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