Mess... what mess!?

New Blog

2011-05-10T09:59:00.001-04:00

Thanks for stopping by! I have started a new blog.

ToBeHisWife.blogspot.com

Over there you can find me blogging about all kinds of wifely things like cooking, homemaking and even looking good for my husband. Hope you enjoy!

It is Official!

2010-08-23T12:28:00.000-04:00

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The Proposal

The Morgans invited me to join their family on vacation for a week up north. I really appreciated being included and I was very excited because I had never been up north before.

On Sunday August 8th Dan came over to my house early in the morning so we could drive up together. His family wouldn't be leaving for several more hours. Anyway, Dan woke me up and helped me get my stuff in his car. Then we drove. Well, he drove. I slept.

We got to the cottage at Thumb Lake around noon, unloaded all our stuff and did a bit of paddle boating. Then we headed to Petosky in search of food. We used the GPS to figure out what was in the area and finally ended up in a quiet mexican restaurant. It was a good choice.

Neither one of us can remember exactly what order things happened after lunch, but we did some shopping, we got custard (delicious!) and we searched for a gas station. Dan drove up and down the road several times while I pointed out gas stations. Every time he would say something like, "I am on the wrong side of the road" or "Just missed it, we'll keep driving". Eventually we did stop and fill up.

It never occurred to me that Dan actually knew this area really well. I think it partly had to do with the fact that Dan almost exclusively uses Mobile gas stations and we did in fact end up at a Mobile station. If he had stopped somewhere else I would have perhaps wondered what all the driving was about.

So, by now it is getting later in the evening and I thought we were going to just head back to the cottage. Little did I know that all that driving around was just a ruse to pass time so the sun could get a little lower in the sky! All of a sudden Dan just decides to pull into this park and get out of the car. I just followed him. After a short walk we came to a nice grassy spot under a birch tree on the shore of Little Traverse Bay. The sun was setting as we stood there together. We were both quiet, just taking in the beauty of God's creation. After a bit we sat down and just continued being together. I remember feeling incredibly content and happy being with Dan. I had really enjoyed our whole day together.

After awhile Dan and I did exchange a few words. Here again neither one of us remembers what exactly was said... except for one thing is for sure... Dan asked me to marry him. I think I just stared at him for a minute without saying anything. Even though I knew in my head and my heart that I wanted to marry Dan, I was now face to face with the decision and I really didn't feel ready for it at all. I wasn't expecting the proposal for maybe another month and I was in my sweatshirt and I hadn't done a thing to my hair or put any make-up on all day. This was not my idea of a proposal. Not that I even had much of an idea what that was... but it just wasn't this. After a little prompting from Dan I did say "yes". I knew even if I didn't feel like it at this moment that I did want to marry him and I didn't want to hurt his feelings (he was so very nervous, he could barely get the words out! and he had actually put a lot of planning in to the timing. and he had succeeded in surprising me, which is really difficult!).

Afterwards I was feeling really disappointed, scared and homesick. Later that night I shared my feelings with Dan. I even told him that I mostly said yes because I didn't want to hurt his feelings and that I had really felt like asking for more time to think. He let me know that he wanted me to be comfortable with the decision, that we didn't have to tell anyone until I was ready and that he would even ask me again if he needed to. I walked away for a few minutes. When I came back I felt much calmer and asked Dan to ask me again.

I expected him to just ask me right then and there. Instead he insisted that I follow him down to the dock on the lake. It is about 1 am at this time. It is pitch black outside and we are basically in the middle of nowhere. I really did not want to walk down those stairs to the lake. Every little movement and sound startled me. Once we got down the stairs Dan carried me over the sand on to the dock.

We walked to the end of the dock, sat down together and looked up at one of the most amazing views ever. I don't think I have ever seen so many stars! It was beyond beautiful. As we gazed at the stars Dan talked to me. This time he wasn't a bit nervous. He recounted memorable events from our relationship. He told me how he loved me. All of me. And then... after a good long time... and at least three shooting stars... then he asked me again, "Will you marry me?"

This time I was most ready and I replied, "Yes! Yes, yes, yes, I will marry you."

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The Ring

I asked Dan not to propose to me with a ring, reasoning that I wanted to marry him not the jewelry. And anyway, we had something else besides a ring in mind for our outward symbol of engagement...

As soon as we got home from vacation we went out and got my nose pierced. It hurt. It really hurt. Dan was exceptionally sweet and held my hand... I mean had his hand squeezed half to death...through the experience. It was all worth it to both of us. We love my new piercing and feel it seals our agreement to get married.

After we get it sized I will be wearing my Mimi's (My grandmother whom I was very close to and miss immensely ever since she passed away several years ago.) engagement ring to make it easier for the general public to understand that I am in fact engaged.

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A few thoughts...

I was completely unprepared for the rush of confusing feelings that hit me when Dan proposed. I didn't expect their would be any hesitation. If I had allowed my feelings to take over I know the consequences could have been much worse than a simple momentary hesitation. I could have said no and lost the man that I truly love. I am so very glad that I have a solid foundation for my relationship that goes much deeper than mere affections.

I feel so blessed that Dan is willing to try and understand me. That he respects me even when he doesn't understand. That he is patient with me. That he always puts forth his best effort. That he is willing to do something over and over again until he gets it right. And so much more! I am so very blessed that Dan loves me and really wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Thank you God for Dan and for our very unperfect real life love.

So there is the story of how I was proposed to. It is not movie like. There were no roses or diamond ring. Dan didn't even get down on one knee. But that is all fine with me. I love Dan. I love our real life together. I wouldn't trade this life for a hundred perfect lives. I am tremendously excited to be officially engaged to marry my best friend and lover Daniel Morgan.

2010-07-09T22:21:00.000-04:00

I am really bad with titles. I am not going to stress myself out about that anymore. See, no title for this post!

I lost my job today.

I am terribly emotional about this.

YES, I KNOW God has a plan. I don't doubt that. But I still mourn the loss.

I was working as a Nanny. I don't think I am at liberty to talk about the situation. I was able to meet with my agency today and talk with my boss. She helped me to feel a bit better about what happened and assured me that she doesn't think any less of me and will certainly try and give me a new placement.

I am losing several thousand dollars because of this, but the bigger reason it has me so upset is because of the children. I don't even know if I will ever get to see them again. I don't know what they were told. I can only imagine how upset they will be. I really enjoyed spending time with them. They adored me. We were looking forward to the rest of the summer together. Now we don't even get to say goodbye.

Existence after death

2010-06-03T10:20:00.000-04:00

may not matter as much as the fact that we cease to exist in this world.

This life is going too fast.

2010-06-02T23:56:00.001-04:00

Way too fast.

Seriously. At least 20% of my life is over. Yes, I am still young. But I am not going to stay that way very long. And I am increasingly more and more aware of that.

There is so much I want to do! There is simply not enough time to pack it all in to one life.

I used to be almost obsessed with just wanting to die. I used to think this life so pointless. I am not exactly sure what has made the change, but now I want to live.

I am not sure if I am afraid of dying or not. I know that it is supposed to be amazingly good. But still... I feel like I would miss a lot here.

I don't like having a job (or five... I don't even know how many jobs I have right now). I just want to be a wife and mom. That is all I ever really wanted. I can do sewing and photography on the side. But I don't want those things to take over my life.

Right now work is taking over living. It must be that way for now if I am going to have a future, but then work is sucking up my present life.

ok. sum up. I learned that there are some things in this life that I really love. I want to be able to enjoy those things. I don't think there will ever be enough time to enjoy these things until death (free of pain/work). But then... do these things exist in death?

New Shop for my Photography!

2010-05-20T18:45:00.001-04:00

I just set up an Etsy shop for my fine art prints. I am soo happy with how the shop is looks. Here are a few of my photos. I can't say favorites, because I love all the photos I listed!

I worked on these images Jan-May by visiting local conservatories. I shot all the images with a fixed length macro lens. It was my first time shooting with macro and I really enjoyed it!

Part of what gives my photos such a unique look is my post process. I used this thing called textures in photoshop. I got the textures from Obsidian Dawn (and have since purchases a license to be able to use the textures commercially). I really love a lot of the neat stuff available for photoshop at Obsidian Dawn.

Alright! Here is a link to my photo shop AdrianMorganPhoto.etsy.com

Thanks for looking!

Eating Update

2010-05-10T11:10:00.002-04:00

FAIL

Decluttering

2010-04-06T16:22:00.000-04:00

This is something that I am more than simply unskilled at. The need to declutter paralyzes me. It ruins my whole day. I know I need to do it so I am constantly on the edge. I can't really focus on anything else... yet I can't just declutter. I wish I could. I waste so much time almost cleaning.

3,000 cal/day - Week 1

2010-04-06T11:38:00.000-04:00

Alright, so I saw a nutritionist a little more than a week ago. She helped me with some ideas of what foods to eat. We decided to start me at 3,000 calories a day. Ah! Before last week I don't know if I had ever eaten that much in one day. So, she suggested that I eat 500 calories 6 times a day. Wow. I don't know why I didn't think of that before.

Eating smaller amounts more often makes the actual eating much more manageable. But that doesn't solve the time issue. If I am going to fit in what I need I must eat no more than 3 hours apart. Preferably closer to 2 hours. This means I spend a lot of time just preparing food, eating and cleaning up. It feels like by the time I finish eating one meal/snack it is time for the next one.

I am learning more about food. Getting to know how much calories certain items have in them. Ice cream is not really my friend. Only 150 cal per half cup. Cheesecake is better at almost 500 cal per slice. Nuts are high in calories. I have added avocado to my tacos and taquitos. Oh oh! I drink a lot more juice. Easy way to add 100 cal.

So anyway, all said and done I had some really successful days last week and some fail days. By the end of the week my stomach was feeling kinda sick. Hopefully that was simply because it wasn't used to the volume of food it was processing.

Speeding

2010-03-31T18:47:00.000-04:00

Speeding doesn't actually get me anywhere significantly sooner. It is just one way I handle stress. I have been pretty darn good lately about not speeding. Just now though I was going 70mph down the back dirt roads.

Bad day. Very unproductive day.

Also, if I was in dislike with this preposterous photography class before I am pretty much hating it now.

Comfy Pants

2010-03-29T22:36:00.000-04:00

I pretty much have a complete hate relationship with jeans right now. They are just so darn uncomfortable. So I fell in love with yoga pants. I got a pair for Christmas and I ordered another pair a few months later. Still, I wanted more. Because hey, when they are the only thing you want to wear two pairs is simply not enough.

Well, my boyfriend pretty much forbid me from purchasing any more. He said also said that if I wanted more I would have to make them myself. What?! That doesn't even make sense to me. Yesss, I am pretty sure I am capable of making my own, but it is just easier to click online and have them show up at my doorstep.

So for a couple weeks I contemplated just going ahead and purchasing another pair. Then finally I decided I'd at least try and make a pair myself. I stopped by Joann's to look for the appropriate fabric. I found none. I went online. SpandexWorld.com They have a world of stretchy fabric. After a bit of research I found the suitable fabric and put in my order. And then tada, a few days later it was at my door. The acquired fabric was exactly what I needed! Yay! I heart shopping online!

Of course I washed and dried the fabric first and then I set out to make my pattern. Yeah that is right, I didn't use a purchased pattern. k. So I took the last pair of yoga pants that I had bought and sorta carefully traced them on some old wrapping paper. Added some seam allowances. Cut it out. Laid out fabric. Pinned on brand new pattern. Cut it all out. Then after a bit of pinning and sewing I had my new pants.

Yesss! I did it! I made my very own pair of yoga pants! It wasn't really as difficult as I thought it would be and the pants turned out really awesome. They look and fit just the ones I copied them from.

-insert photo of me and my awesome new pants here-

You may have noticed there is no actual photo above. Well, there is a reason for that. Just trust me. ;-)

I do my best to comply with my boyfriend's wishes even when I don't understand. I'd say in most cases this turns out for the better. In this case it certainly did. I actually enjoyed the experience, plus the pants cost about half as much as buying an equal pair. I might never buy another pair again.

Death... Again...

2010-03-28T13:19:00.000-04:00

Right now my Aunt is in the hospital being kept alive by a ventilator. They are going to let her die on Monday. It is really hitting hard some of the people closest to me. My mom for one. Becky is her sister after all. Also my cousin Matt. I don't even know what to tell him. No matter what the circumstances have been, that is his mom he is losing. I can't even imagine how difficult this is for him.

I don't like having to deal with death again. It is a reminder of loss and what I don't have here on earth.

Eating...

2010-03-28T12:02:00.000-04:00

Well... I saw a nutritionist a couple days ago. She actually had the same surgery I am looking at getting. So that was neat to talk about. Anyway, we are gonna start with eating 500calories 6x/day = 3,000 calories/day. When it is broken up into those smaller segments it seems more doable.

Buuuut. It is like I just finish eating and then before I know it I have to eat again. In fact... it has already been two hours since I last ate. So I gtg.

Bite Me

2010-03-12T12:48:00.000-05:00

I have an open bite. Basically this means my front teeth don't come together. Which puts a lot of pressure on my back teeth, causing me to grind my teeth at night and get exceptionally horrid headaches. The problem also makes it quite difficult to eat. I can't bite all the way through anything. This is incredibly frustrating. I really like my teeth, they are nice and straight, but the bite is messed up. It is bad enough to warrant surgery. A proper bite would be highly beneficial to my health for the rest of my life.

Getting surgery means that I would have my mouth wired shut for about two months afterwords. Which means that I absolutely must gain weight beforehand. I would need to gain at least 20lbs. Far easier said than done.

You see, for me I can't just down a few extra milkshakes and gain the weight in a month or two. My body doesn't work that way. Maybe yours and 95% of the population's does work that way. But mine doesn't.

I have a problem called hypermetabolism. That means my body processes food at an amazing rate and to compensate I have to eat a tremendous amount of calories to even being gaining weight. That tremendous amount is around 5,000 calories daily. I can't even comprehend that much. I really don't know how to fit it all in. If you are thinking this is a problem you would like to have, you are dead wrong. This is atrocious. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

On top of that I don't really like to eat. My dislike for eating isn't something I can "just get over". Our modern food is so processed and so filled with chemicals that I cringe at putting it in my body. Furthermore, eating takes so much time and energy. Time and energy that I feel is better spent on other things in life. I feel guilty of wasting time when I spend it on food. Sure, for a few weeks at time I can push myself to eat upwards of 2,000 calories daily. But it is a lot of work and I never have anything to show for all that work, so why put in the effort?

As if all of this needed anything else added to it, it seems like the world is fighting against me. Most people are obsessed with losing weight and being thin. They can't even comprehend how anyone would actually need, much less want, to gain a few pounds. I represent to them the epitome of what they want to be. The idea that I might need to actually be heavier is to them unfathomable. They often feel (and make remarks to show) that I am flaunting my thinness in their face when I eat in front of them. Actually, I have even gotten remarks without being anywhere near food. People just can't stand thin people. They probably don't mean to be snide, but it hurts that practically no one understands how difficult this truly is.

Thankfully, my parent's are finally realizing I have a legitimate problem and that I need outside help. I checked out some books on anorexia (I don't exactly have anorexia, but I am coming from a similar place as someone who does), read some, and then talked to my dad about seeing a nutritionist. My parent's don't have the time to figure how to help me, and I can't help myself. To my great amazement my dad actually gave me permission to see a nutrition counselor and even helped me find one under our insurance and in our area! Today I called and set up an appointment. It means so much to me to finally have my parents support (and my boyfriend's, because I talked to him as well and he was also surprisingly supportive).

Green Apples and Hearts

2010-02-13T20:02:00.003-05:00

Ooooook. Well. After my boyfriend remarked that my hair smelled like a hotel, without even knowing that I used shampoo from a hotel, I decided to go ahead and purchase some new hair washing products. I bought some basic shampoo and conditioner in green apple scent from Suave. It smells really yummy! Plus, it was only about a dollar a bottle. That is worth it. So much for my experiments. ahahaha.

Tomorrow is Valentines Day. Dan and I aren't doing anything special. But he did just ask me to be his valentine and I said yes! =) Thennnn I asked if he would be my valentine and guess what!? He said yes!!! Mmmm. I love my Dan.

My daddy got me some Ghirardelli chocolates for valentines day. He gave them to me on Wednesday because he is on a trip for like five days or something. Anyway, the chocolate is amazing! I am a bit of a chocolate snob. I eat chocolate everyday, so it is nice to have some great quality. I also felt loved that my dad noticed this about me and didn't get me something cheaper. Yes, in this case spending a little extra really did show he cares.

Catch Me and Stand Me Still

2010-02-08T10:24:00.000-05:00

So called photographers are ever abundant in our modern world. With cameras easily available to nearly everyone it is rare that anyone really catches my discerning eye. Sure plenty of people will keep me looking for a moment, but the one who keeps me coming back again and again must be skilled indeed. Last year at the Ann Arbor Art Fair I happened upon one of these skilled photographers. His name is Michael Bryant.

Michael hails from Atlanta, GA and was inspired to take photographs after being exposed to the art museums of Europe. Since 1998 Michael has won dozens of awards for his photography. So what are his pictures like anyway? Well, to start he uses the Holga, a camera originally intended for the masses. He could take similar images with any film camera, or take them digitally and alter them in photoshop. But the uniqueness of each Holga gives his images an other worldly feel that he really wouldn't be able to obtain any other way. Plus, it adds something powerful to each photo knowing that it was all done in camera.

Michael mostly photographs big city landmarks. Things everyone has seen time and time again, but he truly puts them in a new light. In my opinion Michael's double and multiple exposure images are his best. I am not even sure how to explain these images (for this reason I have included one of his photos at the end of this paper). They are abstract fantasy, yet concrete reality at the same time. Buildings floating in the sky just like they could have always been there.

His work is nothing like my own, indeed nothing like I have ever seen before. I think that is what keeps me looking. He is different, unique. An especially difficult thing to be in our image saturated world. In his own words, "When I look at a finished piece and for a split second, time stops and I hear my heart beating - I am unable to breathe and I am aware only of the piece and how it makes me feel. Then, I know that I succeeded." Ah yes, for that quiet moment in time when nothing else exists but you and art.

www.michael-bryant.com

And Life Goes On...

2010-02-05T22:57:00.000-05:00

Yesterday after school I was really stressed. Dan had special training for work all day, which meant I didn't get to see him at school. Normally wouldn't be so bad. but... I had to be in Sociology all by myself. Pretty much that feels like a battle ground because I have a different opinion than everyone else in the class. Really made me appreciate Dan even more, but I was still feeling down. So after class I dragged my wounded self over to Dan's house.

He had bought me some amazing pasta and a smoothie! Mmmm. Filled my tummy. =) But alas... the four papers and two exams and various other assignments I had coming up were really really getting to me. No matter how hard Dan tried to cheer me up. Even after playing Little Big Planet for 2 hours, which did in fact make me smile, I still couldn't shake off the stress.

So today I went to school and dropped one of my classes. I didn't need it for anything. I was just taking it because I thought it would be interesting, but it was turning in to a nightmare. Wayyyy too much homework and the textbook was gibberish. I wasn't able to get a refund for the class and I will now have a "W" on my transcript, but it won't affect my GPA.

I am trying to take more control of my life. Do things that matter to me and make me happy. This is one of them. In the grand scheme of things it isn't going to matter that I dropped a class. It is going to matter that I was less stressed. Stress isn't healthy. I am going to use the "extra" time to focus on things I want to do. My happiness is totally worth it. I am much much more content following the path I know I am supposed to take. Hopefully now I will be able to get a better handle on my schedule and find some time for sewing! Other things I am putting in more time for include eating right and working out.

Cheap Date

2010-01-08T14:27:00.001-05:00

Dan and I are together a lot, but we don't often to get to really spend leisure time together. We don't really have any extra spending money, so when it comes to dates... well, they usually just don't happen! But at this point, I really needed one, so I was looking for something interesting and economical to do together when I remembered that my library participates in a museum program where you get to check out a special pass that waives the entrance fee to several area museums. So, yesterday we stopped by my local library and decided on the Ford Rouge Factory Tour.

Neither one of us really knew anything about it, but it was something to do, and it was was free. ;-) Since Dan's dad happens to work near the Rouge Factory we visited him at his office and had lunch with him and several other lawyers. It was nice to see Mr. Morgan's office as I had never been there before. After lunch we headed over to The Henry Ford for the tour.

You have to take a bus ride from The Henry Ford Museum over to The Rouge. Once we got to the factory we watched a 15min video on the history of the factory (probably my favorite part). Then we were ushered into another room with half a dozen or more screens surrounding the room and watched a "multi-sensory" video on vehicle production. It was interesting, but also probably the creepiest car movie I have ever seen! It came of as creepy mostly because the tense music. Anyway, it sure was an experience.

After this we left the group and viewed some of the historical cars produced at the factory. When we eventually made it up to the actual factory part of the tour we found out that everything was actually shut down for the whole weekend due to retooling of the line for a different model. We walked around anyway, but I would like to go back sometime and see everything in production.

After the tour is was time to hunt down some food. I really wanted some good restaurant food, but I knew we couldn't afford it. So, we headed over to Target and picked up a box of some... some sort of pasta we like and tastes as good as restaurant food but is about 1/10th the price. Then we went back to Dan's house, made the pasta and it ate it one his new bed from Ikea (which is really awesome by the way!).

Oh yes, and to make the whole day even better I brought my camera and decided to take photos in black and white. We got some great photos that just wouldn't be the same in color. Now for your viewing pleasure. (Dan took the second and third photo and obviously neither one of us took the last one)

Jealousy and Love

2009-12-29T18:11:00.002-05:00

Opposing Forces or Vital Companions?

The stigma attached to jealousy runs deep in our minds, especially when connected with love. Just by doing a simple google Google search on the word thousands of results will come up on how dangerous jealousy is and how it’s important to get over it if you ever want to maintain a serious relationship. I myself have been accused of jealousy as if it were a sickness and told I would eventually get over it. This ubiquitous perception of jealousy has gone too far. I will get over my jealousy just as soon as I give up breathing. Jealousy is, in fact, not only right but also essential to the strength of a committed relationship.

Myth1: 1 Corinthians 13 says, "Love is not jealous."
Truth1: 1 Corinthians 13:4 states "Love envieth not." Jealousy is not to be confused with envy. The symptoms are similar but the underlying motives are contrasting. Envy is selfishness often masquerading as jealousy when one or both partners are insecure. Insecurity and selfishness in relationships can have a myriad of root problems. Envy seeks to posses someone or something which it does not rightfully own. It seeks its own personal happiness as the expense of others. Jealousy is fiercely protective of its possessions and should thrive in even the most secure relationships. This is confirmed and expounded on in Song of Solomon 8:6-7

6. Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is as strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame. 7. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all his substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned.

It is clear from the last part of verse 7 that love cannot be sustained with material goods or earthly lusts. A love that can be bought with things of the earth will turn to loathing and disgust. These verses make it quite evident that love fueled by jealousy grows ardent and extremely difficult to extinguish. It is imperative to understand that jealousy means to protect what is rightfully yours.

Myth2: You are being overprotective and unreasonable. You will just have to get used to your partner spending time with the opposite gender. Anyway, it isn't like they are having sexual intercourse.
Truth2: 1 Corinthians 7:2 states that, "...to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband." Marriage is more than just sexual. It was designed as an abatement to loneliness (Genesis 2:18, 24) and as such involves spirit, heart and mind as well as physical intimacy. Sharing your spirit, heart and mind is often the first step leading to sexual involvement. God means for us to satiate our loneliness with one person, our spouse.
If that isn't enough for you, dozens of passages (Ex 20:5, 34:14 Deut 4:24, 5:9, 6:15, 32:16, 32:21 Joshua 24:9 1Kings 14:22 Psalms 78:58, 79:5 and more) speak of God's righteous jealousy. He demands faithfulness and exclusivity from his people and does not get used to us spending additional time with false gods. In fact, God often demanded a complete slaughter of outside nations who worshipped false gods. He did this in part to protect Israel, but the Israelites thought they knew better and continually allowed the idolatrous nations to live among them. In turn, the Israelites continually removed themselves from following the Lord to worship false gods. Just as the idolaters were a serious threat to the health and strength of Israel's relationship with the Lord, those of the opposite gender are a threat to the health and strength of your relationship with your partner. Learn from Israel's mistakes.

Myth3: You don't trust your partner.
Truth3: It isn't about whether or not I trust my partner, it is about human nature. God's word repeatedly compares us to sheep that are easily led astray (Isaiah 53:6, Psalm 119:176, 1 Peter 2:25). King David had the Spirit of the Lord upon him (1 Samuel 16:13). He was said to have a heart perfect with the Lord ( 1 Kings 11:14, 15:3, Acts 13:22). Yet, as close to God as David was, he failed sexually with another man's wife. As long as we live on this earth, the battle between flesh and spirit will continue. If you deny this battle your relationship is likely to become its victim. Instead, be aware of human nature and takes steps to protect your relationship. Doing so is in no way distrusting your partner, but a wise decision to protect what is yours. Let me put it this way, if you are a king you have a castle, a kingdom and enemies. As king you would not simply trust your enemies to sit idly by. You would train an army, or perhaps build a moat. You would hope there would be no need for their use, but you were would be prepared. If you let your kingdom sit their unprotected it would eventually be destroyed.

In conclusion, I will not compose or suggest any rules for your relationship. These must be decided on your own. I simply hope that you have become of aware of the difference between jealousy and envy. Marriage is the most sacred of earthly relationships and meant to be a picture of our marriage to Christ. As such, it should be highly valued and protected.

Grommet Press

2009-12-14T13:07:00.001-05:00

Hello! I know I haven't up-dated in awhile. =( Things have been slow around here for the past few weeks. I have been waiting for my grommet press to show up. It finally came this past weekend! I need to experiment with it a bit more before I can start using it on my clothing. But I am really excited about this piece of equipment. It is going to be so helpful! Alright, here is a photo of the press... TaDa! If you have never put in a grommet before you are probably looking at that thing like "whhhaaaat?" Yeah, well don't worry, you don't have to understand it, because I do, and that is important enough. I use grommets a lot in my clothing designs. Especially for corsets and such, but also on skirts.

See here in this waistband, those two little metal circles are grommets. Well half of them anyway, because grommets are made of two parts.This next photo just begins to explain how I have been putting grommets in all these years.

Alright, now I have to run because I need to take my laptop and my nano in to get worked on! My laptop case is chipping for the THIRD time! Seriously, this is ridiculous. And my nano is apparently dead. It won't even charge or anything. Grr. Oh yeah, and I am going to be really busy this weekend due to babysitting my siblings while my parents go out of town and then next week is Christmas... also... I have some injured muscles in my left arm/chest/back area... so I can't really do much with that arm at all! It is pretty painful. :-/ I am really eager to get back to sewing though... I have so many ideas! Hopefully l will be feeling better from that in the next weeks. k. gotta run.

Announcement of Name

2009-11-18T14:03:00.000-05:00

Over and over again in the movie A Little Princess, Sarah proclaims all girls are princesses. I truly believe that all girls are princesses and I want to foster idea that with my clothing. After much deliberation I have decided to name my business Adrian Morgan. Even though I don't have a logo to go with it I believe this name best invokes the impression I want my clothing to have. Mysterious, romantic, dreamlike, timeless. It literally means Dark Edge of the Sea. Personally I really like that. When I think of a dark edge of the sea I think of Arthurian legends and other fairytales and fantasies. As if conjuring up those images wasn't enough Adrian Morgan has an easy rhythm to it. It just sounds right coming off your tongue.

Thank you to everyone that gave their opinions on my business name. Each one of you really did help me. It truly was not without much consideration that I came to my conclusion. I know there has been some concern over the name of my business having anything to do with Dan, especially since we are not formally engaged. I personally approached Mr. and Mrs. Morgan and spoke with them regarding my business. I asked their permission and was clear that if they had anything against Adrian Morgan I would choose something different. Both Mr. and Mrs. Morgan gave me their full support.

I have started setting up an Etsy shop which you can find here: AdrianMorgan.etsy.com

I have also started a facebook page so anyone with a facebook can become a fan. Not a personal account, it is a business page. Search Adrian Morgan on facebook and it should be the first page that comes up. If you are not seeing it make sure you are viewing pages, not groups or people.

Tonight and tomorrow night Dan and I are attending some business seminars. One of the next things I will be working on is designing and ordering business cards. But before I can do that I need to get an e-mail address specifically for the business... still thinking on that. Oh! And I need to find out where to go to submit a Doing Business As form so that I will officially be official.

Dishes

2009-11-14T12:42:00.001-05:00

Yesterday Dan and I went shopping at Value World and Salvation Army. This is one of our favorites activities. I was particularly looking for a winter coat, but found no success. I am not sure why, but we always have to wonder around the dishes and usually the furniture too. This time we found a set of four pretty dinner plates for $5. I liked them, but I wasn't entirely sure I wanted them. Dan convinced me that it would cost far more to eat out once than buy the plates, so we would just eat in once to pay for them. Never mind that we hardly ever even eat out and when we do it usually from the value menu at McDonalds or Taco Bell! He decided to buy them for me. As we were just about to check out we glanced at the furniture and on one of the tables were more pieces that matched the plates we had in hand. And so, in conclusion we walked out with 8 dinner plates, 4 dessert plates, 4 tea cups and saucers, 2 serving platters and 2 serving bowls. I really like them. I like the shape of them and the silver trim. Thank you Dan!

Name Decision and Thanks

2009-11-14T11:40:00.001-05:00

Alright, I have decided on a name. Thank you all so very very much for giving me your opinions. They truly helped! I really appreciate all your comments and votes. Since I have already made my decision I am going to remove the poll. I am working on getting things organized so that I will be able to announce my decision this coming week.

I am also working on getting my very own sewing room organized. My dad has kindly allotted me a portion of the basement just for my sewing. It probably about 50% or more of the way set up down there and I even did some sewing this week down there. Since our basement is only half underground there is plenty of light coming through the the three (or four?) big windows in my space. I have a table set up for cutting material out on. Wow! It is so nice to not be on the floor! Much more comfortable. :) So far I am really happy with my place. Thanks Dad!

Also, thank you to my dad for supporting my interest in clothing design since I was young. Several years ago my dad took me to the Sewing Expo and bought me a wonderful Huskvarna Viking Sewing Machine. It works really smoothly and I virtually never had a problem with it. Makes sewing so much more enjoyable.

While I am thanking people... I also thank my Papa for my superb camera! Without him I wouldn't be able to get the great quality gorgeous photos of my creations.

Life is better when you take time to realize who supports you. At least it helps me to be far more content and happy.

Branding and Logo Ideas

2009-11-11T22:04:00.000-05:00

Alright, I had a meeting a couple weeks ago with a friend who is also trying to start her own clothing business. That went well. It gave me a few new ideas and a little bit of direction. Dan and I will be taking some business planning seminars later this month. I made two skirts last week. ~~I haven't been able to get pictures of them yet since it has been too gray and cloudy.~~ I got some lovely photos today! They will be at the end of this post.

I finished a dress that fits the theme of my designs and I do have photos of that. See the sign thing (I don't know what to call it) I made with my favorite photo right here next to all these words, you can't miss it. I am still doing some brainstorming with this design, trying to figure out how to make it more versatile in regard to size. I already have another similar dress design in mind. Actually I have a lot of designs in mind!

On to what this post is really about... I need a name for my business. I am thinking about going with Daniel Danielle and I have a really cute logo to go with that name. So... as of right now I am heavily leaning towards that, but I really want opinions! I want your opinion! I need to know if it actually a good name or if I am just sentimental about it. Should I go with it or should I go with something different? I also have the idea of Adrian Morgan. Long story short it is just a name I like put together with Dan's last name and I really like how it sounds. Sooo what about that? I think it could work really well, but I don't have a logo to go with it. What do you think!? If you have an idea for something different, let me know!

Gah! It was so hard to pick these few photos to show you. And, the blue skirt got a little bit cheated because it was getting too dark out for me to take good photos. There will be another photoshoot! And, I really want to get some photos of these skirts on people.

These skirts are really awesome for lots and lots of reasons. I should make a whole nother post about that...

Don't forget to voice your opinion on my business name!

Banana Split Sex

2009-11-09T14:41:00.000-05:00

I just found my notes from a sermon this summer where the pastor used a banana split as a metaphor for the best sex recipe. The banana split part didn't make much sense to me (especially since he was like trying to keep it G rated at the same time and cut the banana up!), but I am going to include it here anyway.

Oh first!

He started with 4 facts of Kissing (not to be applied in Church)

1. Kissing relives stress by releasing mood elevating endorphins in the brain.

2. Kissing firms the muscles in your face and it is cheaper than botox or a face lift.

3. Kissing boosts the immune system because of the exchange of saliva, but don't kiss a lot of people to super boost.

4. Kissing burns 2 calories a min and it could lead to more vigorous exercise.

God's Recipe for a Great Life of Sex

Thesis:Sex is a God given gift, but it has to be enjoyed in a God honoring way.

Sex is a powerful force, but it is a dependent force because it has to be combined with a few other things to work well (hence the banana split metaphor).

Container: Sexual Love (eros) needs agape love as a secure foundation. unconditional love. commitment. Without agape eros is never secure enough to blossom fully.

Another illustration: A pyramid with three layers, Agape is the foundation, Phileo (frienship love) is the middle and the peak is Eros. Our culture takes this pyramid, flips it upside down and tries to balance a love life on eros.

Vanilla Ice Cream: Sexual intimacy is fueled by exclusivity. The more it is just your (husband and wife) secret alone the more it becomes powerful and delightful.

Drink water from your own cistern,

running water from your own well.

Should your springs overflow in the streets,

your streams of water in the public squares?

Let them be yours alone,

never to be shared with strangers.

- Proverbs 5:15-7

Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh." - 1 Corinthians 6:16

The more you share sex around the more you dilute the power of sexual intmacy.

If you have messed up on this God can rebuild and restore. God is a God of forgiveness

If you haven't messed up yet, remember that God isn't putting all these rules around you to wreck sex, but to delight you with sex. In the context of one husband one wife you can have the best sex.

Bananas: Sexual fulfillment grows in an environment of patience, it does not grow under pressure or competition. Sexual love grows when it is safe and secure and there is time. And especially for the man to be very very patient over a lifetime with his woman.

Love is Patient. - 1 Corinthians 13:4

His left arm is under my head,

and his right arm embraces me.

Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you

by the gazelles and by the does of the field:

Do not arouse or awaken love

until it so desires.

- Song of Solomon 2:6-7

"The maiden is responding here to her lover, her senses are being stirred by his presence and the affirmations of his love. She finds herself feasting on it all as if he is a tree that provides relief from the sun and delicious fruit for her hunger. Her satisfaction lies in her lover. She begins with a desire for his kisses, but now she begins to long for more, for his embrace. The beloved is being carried away by her passions. She relishes the joy. Yet, she knows that love should have it's own rhythm and it's proper progression. Too fast, too soon would spoil it all. So she adjourns the women of Jerusalem not to encourage love beyond it's right and proper pace."

Chocolate: Sexual Fulfillment is something you give not take. Unselfishness. Don't be in this for what you can get out of it. Seek not to be satisfied, but to satisfy.

Love... is not self-seeking. - 1 Corinthians 13:5

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. - 1 Corinthians 7:3-4

And the same passage from The Message

The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out.

Whip Cream: Sexual Passion has permission from God. Sexual passion is in the Bible. In the Song of Solomon there ain't no babies, it is just pleasure going on. Catch the little foxes so that they may not spoil the vineyard. Get out all those little distractions so you can just focus on each other.

May your fountain be blessed,

and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.

A loving doe, a graceful deer—

may her breasts satisfy you always,

may you ever be captivated by her love.

- Proverbs 5:18-19

Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. - 1 Corinthians 7:5

Sprinkles: Your most powerful sexual organ is your mind.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. - Romans 12:1-2

Guard your mind, don't let the world wreck your mind. Don't sow thoughts in the wrong direction or you will reap a destiny of sexual destruction and disappointment.

Cherry: Sexual love can only exist in an atmosphere of forgiveness.

Love... keeps no record of wrongs. - 1 Corinthians 13:5

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. - Ephesians 3:31-32

(All scriptures NIV)

Living Room Camping

2009-10-31T16:27:00.000-04:00

Last week I came home to this:

My little sister, Ruth, said she was camping in Oklahoma. Notice how she moved all the house plant around the tent? I am not sure if these photos really give a good sense of just how big the tent is. It is a few feet taller than me and the base is probably 8x10feet. This is part of the crazyness of my family.

Drink More Water

2009-10-27T17:38:00.000-04:00

Because I want to make a post and I am too brain dead to post anything very serious right now. I spent the entire day yesterday filling out job applications. Even had an interview (it went really well, I ended up turning them down). So anyway...

I really like my Better Bottle from CamelBak. I like to stay hydrated, (rather my body tells me in certain ways that is important to stay hydrated) but the simple fact is that if it takes more than a little effort I most likely won't be drinking enough. I can not tell you how excited I as to receive a Better Bottle from my friend Ashley for my birthday this past year. The Better Bottle not only makes it easy to carry water with me on the go, but due to the classic Camel back bite valve design combined with an internal straw, easy to consume water as well. No tipping. Just bite and suck. I can even do this hands free. Great for drinking and driving. The bottle hold 3 full glasses of water. This is great because I don't have to refill it too many times.

The only thing I would complain about regarding this bottle is that after I put some tea in it the bite valve retained the flavor of the tea and started growing black mold inside. I cleaned it out and the mold still came back a few times. Now that I am back in Michigan I have only filled it with filtered water (the water in California was so awful) and haven't had a problem with mold.

The bottle comes in many colors. I just posted a pink photo because mine is pink. For those of you that refuse to drink out of plastic, even if it is BPA free (really I don't know exactly what that means, I just assume it is better than with BPA. and actually I did look it up on wikipedia once) the Better Bottle now also comes in Stainless Steel. No excuses now. Get your better bottle and drink more water.

Into the Ocean

2009-10-23T00:26:00.000-04:00

Some of you might have noticed my facebook status earlier this week that stated I was "on this brink of something new." Now that I have stepped into the ocean I can speak more about what it is I am embarking on. I decided not to continue Insight. Although it wasn't quite what I expected I still think it is a fine program, but right now it isn't the best for me. What I am going to be doing instead is focusing on starting my own clothing business. I am not exactly sure how to do that, but I know that now is the time to dive in. I won't know any better until I do.

I am really excited! This is what I have always wanted to do. For as long as I remember I have wanted to have my own clothing company. Not just have my designs produced by someone else, but my very own company.

I have always had an entrepreneurial spirit. When I was 8 I had my own snack wagon. I took a loan from my dad, bought a bunch of snacks, filled up my little red wagon and walked around selling at my little brothers baseball games. It passed the time and made me some money as well. When I was 17 my brother and I bought some glowsticks wholesale and sold them door to door to make money so we could go to camp. We had enough glowsticks left over that we sold them just outside the Livonia Spree on the fireworks night. That night is one of my favorite memories of all time. I had 3 or 4 people helping me and we could not take the money fast enough!

One of the major things that has kept me from starting my own business before now is lack of real business knowledge. It doesn't take much to start a little snack food or glowstick operation, but a legitimate business takes so much more. Not mention all the legalities involved. Just the thought of all the paperwork I'd have to do kills my motivation. Well, it just so happens that my bestest friend ever actually really likes business. While I lay awake at night thinking of designs he lays awake thinking of business strategies. God sure knew what He was doing when He put us two together.

So, Tuesday morning I flew to California and packed up all my things. I am now back in Michigan. Saturday I have an appointment with a friend who has started doing something similar to what I want to do. Hopefully meeting with her will give me some better direction.

You can pray for me and Dan. That God will give us direction and wisdom. Also, that we will trust God. We need to do our part, but truly if this is going to get off that ground it will be God's doing.

Animonday

2009-10-19T15:51:00.000-04:00

I am writing about animonday today because today is monday and I am excited. that I get to go tonight. I miss animonday so much in California! It is just so lonely watching anime by myself.

Animonday gives me some stability in life. It is always there every week. Pretty much it consists of watching 1-2 episodes of 3 different series of anime and then watching a live action. Oh yeah, and we watch all that on a projector! It is nice and big.

My favorite anime that we are watching right now is Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood. We started this back in early summer. I have been keeping up with this series most faithfully while in California.

Over the summer for our live action we watched Firefly (and Serenity). Firefly kind of reminded me of Cowboy Bebop. You know, the whole space cowboys theme. Anyway, I rarely watch any TV series and I really liked Firefly. Having watched Firefly helped me to make some friends in California.

When Firefly was over we started Dr. Who. Dr. Who is alright. I don't really follow along. Also, since Heros started up again we are watching that. I don't understand that show one bit. It is so freakin dramatic. I think it is just too unrealistic for me.

There are probably about a dozen regular attendees and multiple other people that randomly show up. I like it when there aren't too many people there. Sometimes when there are a lot of people they don't really pay attention to the show and cause distractions by talking. My favorite people at animonday (other than Dan of course. He is my most favorite of all and it is because of him that I know about animonday):

Josh is the awesome person who puts all the effort in animonday. (He also Dan's cousin and best friend) He watches everything before we do to make sure it worth our time. He buys soda and peanut M&Ms for people to munch on. He used to buy pizza too, but I guess he couldn't afford it anymore. Now people just buy their own pizza and bring it with them. Anyway, Josh is awesome because he is, not because he does animonday every week. Although that does help. Since Josh has already watched everything we watch he doesn't really sit down with us an watch it again. He is busy being a good a host. Often after every one else leaves Dan and I will stay longer and hang out with him. Josh usually has to practically push us out the door.

Jordan tells me that he co-founded animonday with Josh. I am not doubting that information, but I have not verified it. Jordan has watched the entire Firefly series about a million times. Jordan likes back massages and being gay with my boyfriend. He is just envious that I get to cuddle with Dan and he has no one to cuddle with. Except for that recently changed. Jordan has his own cuddle person now, and she is a girl! More specifically his girlfriend named Amy. Jordan is way heavier than he looks. You know, like a meteor. Have you ever seen a meteor? They look like rocks, only somehow they weigh far more. I don't really know how that works. Jordan is also way better looking than rocks and meteors.

Simeon is Dan's other best friend. Simeon is fun to be around. You know what, I don't think I have ever seen Simeon be in a really bad mood. He is spontaneous and random. He was the most surprised when I showed up to animonday last week. As soon as he saw me his face lit up and he gave me a great hug. It is Simeon that gave me the nickname She-Dan. Simeon eats the peanut M&Ms even though he is allergic to peanuts. Don't worry, his throat just swells and closes up a little. I think he likes the dangerous feeling of being closer to death. Last week Simeon shared a slice of his pizza with me. Yeah, he is pretty nice.

Alright, so I think that sums up animonday pretty well. =)

For Sale - Cowboy Boots

2009-10-19T13:11:00.000-04:00

I bought these Boulet cowboy boots brand new for $150. I didn't wear them much. They are in good condition. I never wore them in wet weather. They have many miles left in them! I simply hope that someone else will be able to enjoy them as all they are doing now is sitting in my closet. Leather soles. Rubber heels. Women's size 8 1/2. They are true to size. I am asking $65.

Best Hair Clips Ever

2009-10-18T22:35:00.000-04:00

These and these are they best hair clips ever. They stay in place all day long. If anyone is ever wondering what a good gift for me would be you could not go wrong with these. Only not in green. I never wear green. Pink, purple, blue, red, black and clear. Those are all good.

Above the clips are probably about 1/4 wide and come in sets of 5. Below the clips are probably about 1/2 maybe 3/4 inches wide and come as singles. A pair of them is always really nice. The clips are entirely metal (well you know, expect for the crystals) and I think that is why they stay in so great.

SoHo is an Asian company. I am not sure from where exactly. The English on their website is not great and they always have Asian girls working the Kiosks in the malls, but I swear they really are the best hair clips of all time. They are worth the money. I just don't really have much money right now... yeah and you, my reader, whoever you are, because barely anyone ever actually comments on my blog even though they read it, you probably don't really have much money either.

Life and Death

2009-10-18T13:05:00.000-04:00

Tuesday October 6th my dad called me to say that his mom probably only had two to three weeks to live. The call hit me harder than I expected. I had been debating wether or not to fly home for a few days the next week. The news of my grandma cemented my decision to do so. Later in the day my mom called to say that they were wondering if Grandma would even make it through another day. I quickly moved up my plans. I would fly home as soon as possible.

My brother helped me make all the flight arrangements. (Thank God for my dad's job so that this was even possible!) Melissa from Insight gave me a ride to the airport. I was quite comfortable being in the LAX airport and flying by myself, just that uncertainty of wether or not I would make it on the plane is what got me. So, I was anxious up until the moment when I checked in and received a boarding pass with a seat assignemt. Then I was at peace.

My wonderful bestfriend Dan picked me up when I landed in DTW. He took me back to his house so we could wait for the perfect time to surprise my family. When I was finally able to surprise them later that (Thursday) night it was epic! It couldn't have gone better. I was a bit concerned that they might have some idea about my arrival, but they didn't even have an inkling! They were completely surprised. (I also completely surprised a few friends including Ashley, Josh, Jordan and Simeon)

I am really glad I flew home when I did. My grandma died early on Saturday (October 10th) morning. I didn't get to see her before she died and I was feeling kind of sad about that, but Dan and my Dad both encouraged me that it was probably for the better. This way I don't have to remember her so terribly sick.

I am not very good at showing it, but I am tremendously sad about my Grandma's death. I don't have any grandmothers anymore. They won't be there when I get married. They won't be there when I have my first kid. It is not like I expected them to live forever, but I just really wasn't ready to lose them so soon in life. I don't even know if it would be any better later in life. We weren't made to deal with death.

Although my trip has been mostly sad, I have really been enjoying being home. Being with my family, yeah... even though they are super annoying and embarrassing, they are my family, I love them. And being with my Dan and getting the best hugs of my life. Dan has been completely perfect in supporting me through these difficult weeks. I could not ask for anything better.

Comments

2009-10-16T13:05:00.000-04:00

I will now be moderating comments. Please do not let this deter you from commenting. I welcome opposing viewpoints on my blog. However, I will not approve comments that have no other purpose than to derogate and/or include debase language.

I would like discussion on my blog. I don't post just to get my ideas out there. I want to provoke thought. Please feel free to post your opinions. Actually this is more than asking you to feel free, this is an invitation to comment.

I will be replying to any comments posted on my blog via my blog. If you have commented on a post check back occasionally (or more often) to see if I have replied.

Faith and Works

2009-10-16T00:22:00.000-04:00

Where there is faith
There is a voice calling, keep walking
You’re not alone in this world

I have learned so much this past month, but looking back there is one thing that really stood out to me. One thing that has changed my worldview and the way I will live my life from this point forward. This is the concept of Faith and subsequently Acts of Faith. It simple and foundational to the Christian life. Yet, often overlooked or misunderstood.

There is a common mis-conception that Old Testament believers were saved by following the Law. Essentially salvation through works. This misconception continues to prevail in our modern understanding of faith. James 2:14 speaks of faith without works being a dead faith. Faith and works go hand in hand. You can not have one without the other. Yet they are different and this difference is essential. To understand acts of faith we must first have a clear understanding of faith.

Faith is more than simply having a particular belief. If faith was only believing that God exists then even the demons would be saved. They believe in God. They chose however, not to put their trust in God. They do not have faith. Faith has to have an object. It does not exist on its own. Kaiser spoke against this idea of faith without object when he stated, “[Abraham] trusts God. His faith is not just faith in faith, but faith in God who can do what he says...” (Kaiser 55) That last part of his statement helps us start to understand what we are to have faith in. Bjoraker's words on faith will further this understanding. Here he is speaking on the Hebrew root word for faith, “It had to do with what or whom you trust. So faith in the Hebrew sense is the holistic trust of one's complete being in one or the One who is faithful.” (Bjoraker) So there we have it! Faith is a complete giving over of ones trust. There is no doubt and there is no holding back in faith. Faith is trusting that God will follow through with His promises, that what He says is true and that He will act on His word.

Being saved by faith has nothing to do with merit. There is nothing we can do to make us more or less saved. All we to do to be saved is put our faith in God's word. After Abraham put his faith in God's promise, that is say, after Abraham stopped trying to do things his own way and gave up to God, “God declares -not makes- Abraham righteous.” (Kaiser 46) See that, we simply put our trust in God, give our lives completely over to Him, and we are saved, justified. Because the moving of our trust from our ourselves to God involves action it is often confused as a work. But it is not. Think of it this way, if someone were to give you a gift you would have to put out your hands to receive that gift. You did nothing to deserve it, you didn't make the gift for yourself. You are just accepting it.

Once we transfer our trust wholly to God our faith in Him should be evident through our lives. This is where Acts of Faith come in. When we trust someone completely we are willing to do things that don't make sense, that don't even seem right. Falling backwards trusting that your friend will catch you is a modest example of faith in action. Acts of Faith are when our choice to trust God follows with a change in heart and behavior.

Usually it is not so much what you do, but how you do it, what heart attitude you have behind it. I like how this paragraph from the Insight Reader gets at the faith behind the action, “With Abel, we find that blood sacrifice is better than grain sacrifice. It's by faith that Abel offered a better sacrifice than Cain did. Noah believed that a flood, a rainstorm, was going to come, even though there had never been such rain before. He believed God, so he built the ark” (Saving Faith). This is almost an exact quote of Hebrews 11:4 which says, “In an act of faith, Abel brought a better sacrifice to God than Cain. It was what he believed, not what he brought, that made the difference. That is what God noticed and approved as righteous.” As we read on in Hebrews 11 we find many more examples of people who acted in faith. I had never read this chapter before Insight. As soon as I did read it I wondered why I had never heard of it before! It is such an encouragement to see all those that have gone before and to finally understand what was going on behind their actions.

I have faith and I have even exercised that faith recently. But I did not fully understand just what that meant until a few days after our lesson on Saving Faith in the Old Testament (Module 1 Lesson 15). Last Sunday night I was writing in my blog about my best girl-friend's recent marriage engagement and at the end I also wrote about myself. That is when it hit me just what an Act of Faith is! Here is what I wrote:

I would like to write a little note about my engagement. Or more accurately, my lack of engagement. You see, I know that Dan and I are to get married someday. Yet, we are not engaged. Earlier this year I was really struggling with the definition of the relationship. Either we should be engaged to be married or not be in a relationship at all. It was a very black and white issue to me. I struggled with feeling that he wasn't truly committed to me if he didn't want to be engaged. I wondered if I should pull out of the relationship until he was ready to take on that commitment. Countless different emotions and thoughts were swirling around in my head. Then one day I heard God speak to me. He told me that I needed to give it up to Him and stay in the relationship without being engaged. I realized that it was actually God whom I was failing to trust, not Dan. It was totally unfair to Dan to make him carry my lack of trust in God! It took an act of faith from me, but I gave my struggle over to God. I now feel freedom and peace to be in a relationship with Dan and I am trusting God for His timing regarding the engagement.

It was literally right after I unconsciously typed out the phrase “act of faith” in reference to my own life that this all came together for me. I have my own relationship with God and from that God spoke to me and asked me to do something I didn't fully understand, but because I believed in Him I followed. Just like countless people before me. Now that I better understand just what an act of faith is I hope that I will be able to better recognize future opportunities to put my faith in action.

4Him. "Where There is Faith." 4Him. 1990. MP3.

Bjoraker, William. "The Hebraic/Old Testament View of Salvation and the Afterlife." Insight Reader 1 (2009): 15A-5. Print.

Kaiser, Walter C. Christian and the Old Testament. Pasadena, CA: William Carey Library, 1998. Print.

"Saving Faith in the Old Testament." Insight Reader Module 1 Ancient World (2009): 15-2. Print.

Busy

2009-10-05T11:29:00.000-04:00

It has been too long since I have made a post. I am so busy here. Hardly any free time at all. When I do get a spare moment I watch anime or call home. Right now I am in morning meeting. There is wifi in the building. Thank God! Morning meeting is... I don't even know. Weird and boring. The first 15min consists of small groups. Mine is made up of men. Occasionally there is a women. Most of the time it is men. They all know my name. I don't know theirs. It is awkward. I have taken to arriving late to avoid small group.

Engagements

2009-09-14T03:10:00.000-04:00

As in marriage engagements. ;-)

My best girl friend AbbyD is officially engaged to her darling Kenny! I am so excited for her! I don't think I have ever been this excited about someone getting married. I know that Kenny and Abby are following God and going about things the "right" way. In quotes because everyone has to seek after God for themselves, but there are also some principles of purity applicable to every couple. I trust that my dear friends have been and will continue to abide by these principles.

Abby and Kenny have been together... actually I am not exactly sure how long they have been together. Anyway, I finally got to meet Kenny this summer. He is wonderful! I will be very happy to see him become my best girl friend's husband, and she his wife. I know that indeed I will not be losing her as a friend. Only gaining a dear brother in Christ. The two of them are adorable together. Watching them interact is like watching a beautifully choreographed dance. I know that they will do well together.

The news of Abby's engagement truly makes me feel that we are growing older. Abby and I first started growing closer several years ago when her Dad was diagnosed with brain cancer. Although our families have been friends since like forever, my first true memory of bonding with Abby was riding in the back of a van in winter to go see her Dad in the hospital. I would have never guessed then that she would become so dear to me and only a few years later be engaged to be married! Abby is indeed an exceptional friend. I don't think we have ever been angry with each other. Only supportive. We can go months without talking and then pick up the phone and talk non-stop for hours. Oh! I could go on and on about Abby's many merits. For now, suffice it to say that I am very glad that God placed her in my life!

Now, this post isn't just going to be about Abby. Last week I noticed another young lady in my community was engaged. I was a little surprised as she is somewhat young and I wouldn't have guessed her to be the marrying young sort. Despite my surprise I was happy for her and gave her my congratulations. A few days later as I was talking with my mother on the phone she asked me if I had heard about the young lady. Without suspecting anything else I replied, "Yes, she is engaged." Then I found out why she is engaged, she is pregnant. Rather than bringing joy, these sort of engagements and marriages are disheartening. I don't know. I don't have much more of a commentary for now. Only that I am sad to see this going on.

Moving on, I would like to write a little note about my engagement. Or more accurately, my lack of engagement. You see, I know that Dan and I are to get married someday. Yet, we are not engaged. Earlier this year I was really struggling with the definition of the relationship. Either we should be engaged to be married or not be in a relationship at all. It was a very black and white issue to me. I struggled with feeling that he wasn't truly committed to me if he didn't want to be engaged. I wondered if I should pull out of the relationship until he was ready take on that commitment. Countless different emotions and thoughts were swirling around in my head. Then one day I heard God speak to me. He told me that I needed to give it up to Him and stay in the relationship without being engaged. I realized that it was actually God whom I was failing to trust, not Dan. It was totally unfair to Dan to make him carry my lack of trust in God! It took an act of faith from me, but I gave my struggle over to God. I now feel freedom and peace to be in a relationship with Dan and I am trusting God for His timing regarding the engagement.

Taking the Bus

2009-09-13T14:06:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I rode all by myself for the first time in my life. I had only ever even been on a bus once before. That was a few weeks ago with the whole Insight group. I was very apprehensive about taking the bus all by myself. Truly, I wouldn't have minded if I never had to take the bus in my whole life! But I knew the time had come. I need to learn and grow. I planned out my trip extensively. I figured out which bus I needed to take, what time it came, where the stop was, how much it was going to cost, how long it was going to take, wrote down the address of the place I was going and some surrounding street names.

To start off I had to walk about a mile to the bus stop to get a bus going in the direction I needed. A mile isn't really that far. Especially considering that my own driveway at home is 1/4mile. I thought the walk would be the worst part since it is in the city and I don't really know where I am. I did have to make myself take the steps forward, but as it turns out the walk was fine and the worst part came next...

Sitting at the bus stop, waiting. This part was awful! I was pretty scared. A guy came up and asked me for money. From the looks of him he should not have been approaching a young female about money! Thankfully I had listened to my friend Steffi (a bus riding expert) and worn sunglasses. I didn't even acknowledge the guys presence at all and then after a moment he walked off. Sitting there alone my breathing became quite difficult. Random Bible passages started floating around in my head until Jeremiah 29:11 came to mind.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

As I reflected on that verse I was reminded of the plans the Lord has for me. I know he wants me to get married and go to school for fashion. That isn't just something I want for myself, it is His plan for me! The thought of the helped my breathing tremendously. I wasn't just breathing normal, I was breathing great!

Soon the bus came. As I got on I told the driver that this was my first time ever taking a bus and I didn't really know what to do. First she just looked surprised, and then she asked me some questions and helped me along. She was friendly! I am so glad for that. I had prayed to not get a grumpy driver.

Alright, so I got to where I was going fine. When it was time to get back I went to the bus stop where I had been dropped off and waited. As I sat there I looked across the street and noticed the bus I needed. It didn't even occur to me until a min or two after it had left that I was on the wrong side of the street! Oh well, that wasn't such a big deal. I crossed the street and waited half hour for the next bus.

While waiting I noticed a man standing in the shade around the corner. I thought he looked somewhat suspicious. The he gazed at two girls after they walked past him did not help his case! After awhile a bus came and dropped a few people who also went and stood over in the shade. It was at this point that I realized something. I was sitting in the full sun. Most people really don't like the sunshine. He was most likely standing over there simply because it was nice cool spot. A few minutes later my bus came and I boarded...

Worldview

2009-09-05T03:23:00.000-04:00

The first days here we studied just what makes a worldview. A worldview is a perception of reality. Even if they are unconscious of it everyone has a worldview. Everyone's worldview answers these seven basic questions in one way or another. At first glance you might think they are easier to answer, but ponder them for awhile and consider your true underlying worldview.

- What is prime reality - what is really real? God, many gods, only the material world?
- What is external reality, that is, the world around us?
- What is a human being?
- What is death?
- What is knowledge?
- How do we know what is right and wrong?
- What is the meaning if human history?

Now, you might be able to come up with an answer for what your underlying beliefs about all this, but what really matters is your control beliefs. Control beliefs are the basic values and assumptions that shape your behavior. Although they should, your worldview and your control beliefs will not necessarily coincide. Your behavior will betray what you truly believe.

Culture is how worldview and control beliefs are played out in the larger society. Culture is what makes a community or civilization. Culture is somewhat confusing because it is a mixture of many different peoples beliefs. Culture shapes you. You shape culture. It works both ways. I am sure culture could be an entirely seperate post, or even a book, unto itself!

Being Green

2009-08-29T00:04:00.000-04:00

Today I was reading about creation and made a discovery I was quite unprepared for. It is actually a simply concept, it just really struck me today. First here is the quote that enlightened me:

Furthermore, Genesis makes it clear that humans were made to be in relation not only with other humans, but also with the animals (see Gen. 2:19-20) and the rest of nature. This is poignantly stressed in the unfolding drama of the story in Genesis as the writer repeatedly calls our attention to the connection between the first human beings and the ground: humans come from the ground (2:6-7); they are to tend the ground (2:15); there sin results in cursing of the ground (3:17-19); and the ground cries out when human blood is spilled on it (4:11-12). That is to say, human destiny is bound together with nature's destiny - something that the author of Genesis knew long before twentieth-century environmentalists. (Family of Faith pg 75)

What struck me is the correlation between the ground and innocent murder. The whole idea of being green and saving the earth is currently a national effort. In just a little more time you'll never see another classic plastic grocery bag again. I guess my thought is this: how ironic that we as a nation put so much effort in to saving the planet while not stopping to think twice about the thousands of aborted babies everyday. Although our environmentalism is well intentioned all of our best efforts will mean absolutely nothing until the spilling of innocent blood comes to an end.

Visitor Information

2009-08-28T23:24:00.000-04:00

Although this program is incredibly intense and I barely have any free time I would be glad to welcome some visitors! It would be best if you could visit on the weekend so we can spend more time together. Also, I don't have a meal plan for the weekend, so we can make food together! Oh yeah, you are welcome to attend class with me. Please just be aware that if you visit during the week I must study in the morning. So here is the dealio...

I can have up to two guests staying in my room at any given time.
Each guest can stay for a maximum of 7 days a month and 14days in a year.
There is a cost of $5 per guest per night.
If you desire to stay longer than the allotted time or would like to bring more people you can rent a room.
The cost is 1person-$35/night 2person-$60/night 3person-$75/night.
I can only have females in my dorm. There are a couple guys in the program, if you are male you might be able to stay with them.

Everyone: if you intend to visit please contact me before doing so. This way I can make the proper arrangements.

I think that is pretty much it. If you have any questions please let me know! I would be most happy to answer. I miss my friends!!!

Huggable Cuteness

2009-08-27T23:29:00.003-04:00

I really need to take a shower AND do some more studying. If I don't actually do some studying tonight, tomorrow will be just horrid. :-/ They keep us way too busy here. (Practie for motherhood when there are 5million things to get done everyday) I will try and actually make some good informational posts this weekend. For now take a look at this photo I found. It is my little sister at about 1 1/2 years old. Doesn't she just look sooo adorable!? She is going to be 5 next month! Ah! I am seriously looking forward to having my very own children. Looking at this photo makes me want to just pick her up and squeeze her.

Far Away

2009-08-26T02:56:00.002-04:00

this is going to be harder than I thought...

Fellow Blogging Student

2009-08-24T09:27:00.002-04:00

I just found that one of my fellow students has a blog. He will eventually be blogging about his experience here at Inisight. For now his blog contains many insightful and eye-opening posts about his recent trip to India. I added him to my blog roll. His name is Jonathan Carlson.

Year of Insight

2009-08-23T02:32:00.004-04:00

Just a quick link to another website I found about the program I am in. Wish I had known about this earlier and been able to share it with people. So check it: http://yearofinsight.org

Candle Lip Balm?

2009-08-21T23:34:00.005-04:00

My wonderful awesome amazing handsome candle loving bestfriend/boyfriend bought me this lip balm last week. When he first handed it to me I was honestly a little confused. It looks like a tiny little candle. On top of that we are both in to natural and organic products. I thought surely a candle store lip balm would be full of synthetic ingredients and not feel nice on my lips. Well, a week later I adore this lip balm. It feels great on my lips. It doesn't do that thing where it kind of gums up after awhile and leaves a residue on your lips. Do you know what I am talking about? Besides feeling great it is made with all natural and organic ingredients! Which are: beeswax, organic extra virgin olive oil, organic hemp seed oil, vitamin E and rosemary. There is just something about using natural products that make me all happy inside. As an extra bonus this lip balm smells delicious (it doesn't have a taste). Dan got me the Black Cherry, but it also comes in Buttercream, Sweet Strawberry, Vanilla Cupcake and Vanilla Lime. If that weren't weren't enough reasons to go and buy this lip balm right now, it is also SPF 15. Yay for no burnt lips! Mhmm, I recommended Yankee Candle Lip Balm. Thanks to my beloved Dan for the gift.

Daily Schedule

2009-08-21T22:50:00.004-04:00

Wow! I have barely had any time to even sit down since I got here. I switched from doing the program for credit to certificate. I did this for mainly financial reasons, but looking back on it now I am so glad I did! I knew this program was going to be intensive, but I am constantly surprised by just what that means. Doing the program for certificate means I won't have to take exams and I won't have to write research papers. I will have to write eight 5-page reflective papers. Other than that everything else is the same. Here is what my basic schedule looks like Mon-Fri.

6am - Wake up. Do Bible study.
7am - Breakfast
7:45am - Morning Meeting
~9am - Study Study Study
12pm - Lunch
~12:45 - Study more
1:45-3:15 - Discussion
3:15-4 - Bible discussion
4-5 - Lecture
5:30 - Dinner
Various required activities after dinner until 9pm

I am so glad I got up at 6am and started working this morning. I didn't even get everything quite done. If I waited any longer it would not have been good! 6am isn't too terrible since it is actually 9am in Michigan. I went to bed between 10-11pm. And I was so ready! I have no plans on staying up late. Since so much work is do every day before class it is important to get up and do it. Today the reading wasn't so bad. Time seemed to go by somewhat fast.

I really enjoy discussion. Pretty much that hour and half makes it all worth it. Hopefully it stays that way, or get even better.

So far I find this experience a lot like camp, except there are no leaders blowing whistles to wake me up and make sure I am at all the activities. It is all on me. There is however attendance points. Pretty much I have to attend everything and if I am 1second late I start losing points. :-/

Morning meeting is with all the missionaries here. I am assigned a small group. So, I show up to that group in the morning and everyone shares something you read in the Bible that day. The idea is to help keep everyone accountable to reading everyday. I don't like this sort of thing. Plus I am not a morning person. Anyway, after sharing time everyone gets in a big group and a few people share all over again. Then we listen to a missionary speak for ~20min. Today it was this super old man who working in Thailand for like 40years or something. I didn't really follow his talk (because IMO it wasn't well organized) and I didn't feel that he supported it well with scripture. At the end he was saying something about having coffee with people and I was totally lost. Are we supposed to have coffee or not?

I though morning meeting might be obvious, but if you have any questions about the schedule please post them! I'd really like to have something more specific to address.

Oh yeah, one last thing, Adam and Melissa (they are like the head of the program here) told all us students to come over to their house whenever we want. They live less than a block away. They seriously meant whenever. Don't they ever want to do married people things and not worry about being interrupted by needy college students?

Address

2009-08-19T21:57:00.001-04:00

If you want to send me a letter or a package or... anything, send it here:

Danielle Schmidt
1539 E Howard St #112
Pasadena CA 91104

Arrival

2009-08-19T17:29:00.005-04:00

I am here in Pasadena! I don't have any pictures to put up... and I don't know where my camera battery charger is. I couldn't find it before I even left. I might have left it at Dan's house. I am really not sure. Sooo, you could pray that it is found and gets sent to me.

The flight was jam packed full. I had an aisle seat, which I am thankful for. I don't like asking other passengers to get up. The flight was terribly cold! I wore a dress. Next time I am wearing pants and shoes and socks.

We checked all my baggage (four suitcases and 2 boxes). One of the boxes got ripped open pretty good, but as far as I can tell I am not missing anything. Thank God for that!

So, I got into my dorm room yesterday afternoon and got all my things put away. There is a lot of storage space in the room. The room seems to have swallowed up all my things. There is plenty of drawer space. My closet is not jam packed. It actually feels pretty good! My room-mate is Rachel. Her favorite color is also purple. Also, she wanted the bed in the middle of the room, so I got the bed I wanted! Right by the wall. I like it this way so I don't feel like I am falling off. Even my queen size bed at home I have pushed up against the wall.

Orientation started at 8 o'clock this morning with a group breakfast outside. It was pretty cool outside! Only 61 degrees. It didn't warm up till at least 11 o'clock. It warm now, but still cool in the shade. There are only seven (four girls, three boys) other students. It is a pretty small class. Although I have a short break now orientation continues through the rest of the day. As soon as possible I will make a post about my daily schedule and a post with information for anyone who wants to visit me.

Garden

2009-08-16T22:37:00.007-04:00

Dan and I had just gotten out of a late movie in the middle of May and I had to use the restroom. The theater had already locked up so we went across the street to Meijers. It was there in between 1 and 2am that we found ourselves on the floor picking out seeds. We decided to have a garden. Three months later this is what we have:

This is no small garden! As it stands now it is 36'x36' , not including some watermelon growing off to the east side. I think next year we will make it even bigger (add potatoes) and put up some sort of fence. Something ate all our green bean plants. Any ideas for a cheap fence? I have another stump to go by the entrance, it just didn't get there this year. A nice clump of chocolate mint is growing in the center stump. It smells so good!

In this shot you can see our 15 broccoli plants. One of the few items we didn't start from seed. I have yet to see any broccoli. I grew broccoli two years ago and let me tell you, it was the best broccoli I have ever had! So sweet! If all you ever had is grocery store broccoli you are missing out. Also in this shot you can see the beautiful marigolds Dan got in the hopes of warding off some of the animals and bugs. I don't know if they are working at all, but I sure they think they look nice.

These are our zucchini plants. They grew so well at first that we had 14 plants in this little square. We didn't get around to transplanting any of them so they ended up killing each other off.

The mint growing in the center stump.

Yellow onions. A few weeks ago the tops were still standing up so tall. Then I weeding the patch and a couple days later they started drooping. I am not sure if the onions are done growing and I should pick them? Or if I somehow damaged them? Or if this is just normal?

Here you can see our green pepper plants in the foreground, the cucumber plants behind them and you can even see some of the green bean plants in the top corner. If you can see the stakes up there seemingly in the middle of the grass, that is where the watermelons are growing.

Our garden is so beautiful thanks to Dan. He is such a hard worker, he doesn't stop until the job is done. I am so thankful for everything he has done with the garden! It would not be anywhere near what it is without him.

Oh by the way, this garden in far away from any electricity. We use my dad's tractor (thank you Dad!) to get water from the pond and then poor it over the garden with buckets. It takes several trips back and forth to get the garden all watered. It is fun though. Last time Dan and I did it we didn't even start until 8:30pm. It got dark quickly, but that didn't deter us. We just got the car and turned the headlights on. Dan almost got the tractor stuck in the pond (yes, in the dark!). It felt so grand when we finally got it free!

Packing

2009-08-16T20:08:00.008-04:00

This post is somewhat random and full of photos.

This is most of the stuff I am taking just after Dan and I pulled it all out of the closets and drawers. It is pretty much just clothing as I am planning on buying all liquids when I get there.

All neat and folded! I was fooled into thinking it wasn't much.

Four suitcases and two boxes later it is all a huge mess again.

I was planning on flying out tomorrow morning, but the flights are too full and so I won't be able to make it till Tuesday. I am glad for one more day with my family, but a little anxious about everything I will now have to do on Tuesday. Orientation starts early Wednesday morning. The first class is Friday. I suppose tomorrow is the calm before the storm (i.e. non-stop studying).

My amazing BESTfriend and boyfriend. He is so organized. He helped me immensely. He wrote a list of everything that I needed to take and even remembered all my girl things.

Last night I had my closest friends over. I don't like big parties. It was nice to have them all together. I felt very cared about. They even surprised me with a Purple iPod nano! Who has the awesomest friends? ME! I am so thankful for everyone who was there last night. You know who you are. There are not words for how much I appreciate all of you! (p.s. I'd love you all just as much even if you didn't get me an iPod)

Every Monday I watch anime with my Boyfriend, his cousin, and a bunch of their friends. I am going to miss animonday so much! It was the one thing I made sure I did almost every week this summer. Dan set up my computer so I can download the newest episodes every week and not get behind while I am away.

Since I am going to be doing so much reading at Insight I went and got my eyes checked. My eyes often go unfocused when I try to read. It also happens even if I am just driving or shopping. But, it doesn't happen all the time. Sometimes I can read a whole book and be fine. The eye doctor said I did need glasses but for a very light prescription. I am no so sure I agree with him. Yeah, I know, he is the doctor. However, I felt that he really didn't listen to me when I was trying to explain the problem to him. Also, I already have glasses and my eyes do the blurry thing even with them. I am going to get some Vitamin A and take that everyday. I am curious if that will help. I don't eat a whole lot so it is quite possible that I could have a vitamin deficiency. I am thinking this is more likely since I don't seem to experience the blurriness all the time. Mmmk. So, if you have any other ideas as to what is up with my eyes feel free to let me know. I will let you all know how vitamin A works.

Me and my best girlies!

I just found out that if you click on this photos they get HUGE! I didn't downsize them before uploading. I will remember to do that next time.

Living Situation

2009-08-07T19:34:00.005-04:00

One of the most oft asked questions I get about Insight is where I will be living out there. Insight actually uses some of the buildings owned by William Carey International University. WCIU is mainly online now, many parts of the campus are unused. I will be living in the dorms with a room-mate on campus. The dorm rooms are actually quite a nice size. I will take some pictures when I get there. The picture above is not the dorms. It is the main building on campus. I don't think Insight will be using it at all.

Look at the palm trees!!! I am going to see them everyday! =)

Book List - Module 1

2009-08-06T14:04:00.003-04:00

A large part of Insight is independent study. Everyday I will be reading many different books for several hours. This will be followed by a discussion time with all the other students. Insight focuses on humanities, worldviews, the Bible, and communications. I am really excited about the integration of these different subjects together.

Already I have started reading two books in preparation for Insight. The first is Love God with All Your Mind: The Role of Reason in the Life of the Soul by J.P. Moreland. As a thinker myself I am really enjoying this book. It expresses many of the issues I have had with the modern church and brings to light new ideas and information that will be quite helpful in getting us out of the current mindless rut.

The other book is is The Universe Next Door: A Basic Worldview Catalog by James W. Sire. So far I have only read the first chapter and started the second, but I find this a pretty easy read on worldviews. Far simpler than Understanding the Times by David Nobel. If you are looking for an good introduction to different worldviews this would be a great book.

Now, in alphabetical order, a list of the texts I will be using during the first module of Insight.

The Christian and the "Old" Testament by Kaiser
Clash of Worlds by Burnett
Creation: Facts of Life by Parker
The Creation Hypothesis by Moreland
Darwin on Trial by Johnson
Eternity in Their Hearts by Richardson
A Family of Faith by Philips and Olkholm
Following Jesus in the Hindu Context by Richard
George Muller on Faith by Wubbels
A History of the Jews by Johnson
Holman Bible Handbook by Dockery
The Illustrated Guide to World Religions by Halverson
Mere Christianity by Lewis
Oxford Atlas of World History by O'Brien
Perspectives on the World Christian Movement by Winter and Hawthorne
Playing with Fire by Russell
A Rulebook for Arguements by Weston
Sacred Texts of the World by Smart and Hecht
Science Matters by Hazen and Trefill
Spirit of the Rain Forest by Ritchie
A World History by McNeill

Wow! That is a lot of books! One of the things I like about Insight is just because I will be reading certain book doesn't mean I have to agree with them. The point is to think about the main concepts and ideas presented in the books and through discussion come to my own conclusion regarding what I believe. And, hopefully by then be able to articulate what it is and why I believe it.

If you pick up any of these books to read leave a comment and let me know what your thoughts.

Pillow

2009-08-06T10:43:00.005-04:00

Tired of scrunching up my pillow just the way I wanted only to have it move I decided to give this pillow from Ikea a chance. I have wanted a contour memory form pillow for a long while now, but they cost around $100. Ikea's version is a tenth of that. That is right, only $10. I am so glad I bought it! My neck feels so much better and I get less headaches ever since sleeping with this pillow. Guess what else... I don't drool at all with this pillow! Yeah, I normally drool when I sleep, but not with this.

Ikea sells this pillow as an inner core. It is intended to go inside a fluffy outer pillow. I bought the outer pillow and tried them out together. I found that for me I simply like the core alone. Also, my chiropracter said that because the pillow was so cheap it will break down sooner. Around 3 months. I will keep this is mind. For now I am quite happy with my cheap pillow. I am glad I found out that I really like this type of pillow without burning a hole in my pocket.

Insight on why INSIGHT

2009-07-29T13:25:00.010-04:00

Many of you may know that I going away to California for school this year. What you may not know is why. The short answer is God told me to. The long answer is how He did.

I have been studying photography at Washtenaw Community College. They have one of the best programs in the state. Truly I have learned a lot there. I had committed myself to finishing the associates in photography before moving on to anything else. And so, it was not without much reason and consideration that I decided to move on with only three classes left to a degree!

For one thing the classes I needed weren't being offered by the teachers I needed in order to most effectively learn what I wanted. In order to get the information I wanted I would need to take unnecessary filler classes, biding my time for a couple semesters. Not such a big deal in itself, but added to the generally hostile attitude towards truth at WCC it was enough to make me want to leave.

You see, I am quite strong in my beliefs. The environment at WCC did nothing to back me down. However, after a few incidents showing how thoroughly the moral relativism pervaded the classroom I felt it was time for me to be able to fight back instead of simply taking the hits. I know without question that my beliefs are right, but I really don't know much of the why behind my beliefs. I want to dig deeper. Learn the why and be able to articulate it.

It was in April when I made this decision. Long past the time to change plans for the fall. Yet, I knew I could not go back. I believe that God closed the doors for me at WCC. He knew it was time for me to move on. I thought of Insight. I had looked into last year and was interested, but didn't feel the need to pursue it at that time. With another year of school under my belt I feel the need! I am now hungry and desirous for the Truth! All in God's perfect timing.

As soon as school was out my dad and flew down to Pasadena to check out Insight. I still had some questions. For one thing I was concerned that Insight might be turning out a product. You know like those Bob Jones kids. Full of legalism and unable to think for themselves. I am happy to report that there is none of this at Insight! Each student was very much an individual. I found that Insight in fact encourages their students to think for themselves. They simply provide the materials and environment in which that can happen. I felt at home on campus. (Shout out to the girlies there! They were so sweet and really welcomed me! You all really helped me to feel comfortable. Thank you.) My dad kept commenting on the tinyness of the school (They only take 15 students for the program, my dad went to UofM Ann Arbor) However, he was able to get his own questions answered and decide for himself that Insight was the next step for me. I am very thankful that my dad came to this conclusion on his own. It feels great to know I have his support. Shortly thereafter we flew home. I filled out the application, got interviewed and accepted. BAM! My life is changing.

At this point I can now tell you a little more about Insight specifically. Insight stand for INtensive Study of Integrated Global History and Theology. That word, integrated, is important. It means that I will be studying history and theology together. Not as two separate subjects. The Tapestry of Grace program is similar in this aspect. I have done one year of ToG and really enjoyed it. The Bible makes so much more sense when studied in it proper historical context. I will aquire college credits for the work I do at Insight.

Insight is going to be one of the most difficult things I have ever done. It is going to require quite a bit more studious effort than I am typically used to. I will be away from my friends and family for months! You see, if you don't know me, I am the girl who never studies,yet continues to hold a 3.9 in school and at 21 I still barely sleeps over at other people's houses. I am a little afraid of it all. But I am not going to let that hold me back. I want to grow. I am ready to take the plunge.

Hopefully I will have new things to write about and remember to actually post them here! In a coming post I will share my booklist for the first of four modules.

Cancer Eats Away at Life

2009-07-29T09:58:00.001-04:00

Before I was even born my Mimi (my grandma on my mom's side) got breast cancer. She was 43 years old. Two years later she had a mastectomy and went through chemotherapy. Then not more than five years later she had another lump on the same side.

I am not sure what she underwent at that time. I don't even know if I was actually aware that my Mimi had cancer. As I grew up I got along with Mimi quite well and became very close to her. I would spend the night at her house and sleep in the same bed with her. We would bake things and use our hands instead of measuring cups. She taught me sewing. She was always creating something. She had a garden in her backyard and knew all about what kinds of wild plants you could and could not eat. But what she did best of all was just love people.

When I was 13 I found out that Mimi's breast cancer had metastasized to the bone. I remember crying that day. How could someone with so much love for people and life be so terribly sick? And not just anyone, but my Mimi, my best friend. Shortly thereafter my dad had a job transfer and my family moved thousands of miles across country. Not only was there a new physical distance between my Mimi and I but there was a new unseen wall between us as well. When I found out she was sick again I distanced myself from her because I was afraid of losing her and being hurt.

Even after my family moved back to Michigan I was never as close to Mimi as I had once been. I was still afraid. She was in so much pain. Immense amounts of pain. And all I did was stand by and watch her slowly sink lower and lower. Through all that pain she kept on loving and doing her best to give to those around her. While I withheld my love from her.

She lived four and half years after the cancer spread to her bones. She died on Christmas day in 2005. Christmas will never be the same again. Life will never be the same again. Mimi was always the one that made things special and brought the family together.

It will be four years this Christmas since she died. But the hurt hasn't gotten any better. I still miss her. I always thought she would be there for me. Especially at my wedding. She would have enjoyed everything about it so much. Now I will have to plan that day without her and there will be a dear part of me missing.

Writing this wasn't easy and I think you probably wanted to hear more encouraging stories. But I wanted to share this one because I hope some people out there can learn from my mistakes. Instead of dealing with the hurt I lived detatched from reality. I didn't even cry until more than a year after her death. I regret not being there for Mimi. I am sad that I didn't cherish every moment I had with her while I still could. So, to all those people out there who have loved ones in there life that are sick in one way or another, your story may not have a happy ending, but you are not alone. Don't pull away from your loved ones. They are at a time in there life when they need you most. It is not going to hurt any less if you leave them.

Hope Chest Stuff

2009-07-29T09:53:00.000-04:00

I found a list of things I wrote when I was younger that I wanted to collect for my hope chest. I just re-copied it into a new notebook and thought of even a few more things to add to it! Here is the list if you are interested, it is mostly things that may seem trivial but I know I would use in my kitchen (like a can opener!)

-measuring cups
-measuring spoons
-baking spatuala
-wire wisk
-rolling pin
-wooden spoons
-peeler
-mixing bowls
-muffin tin
-tea pot
-loaf pans
-pie plates
-cake pans
-cutting board
-measuring pitcher
-biscuit cutter
-ladle
-pasta scoop
-garlic press
-cookie sheets
-pie server
-colander
-grater
-can opener
-pastry cutter
-salt and pepper mills
-food chopper
-knife set

-bath towels
-washclothes
-hand towels
-potholders
-dish clothes
-drying towels
I don't want to get table clothes because I don't know what size table I will have.

-dinner plates-
-lunch plates
-dessert plates
-bowls
-drinking glasses
-pitchers
-mugs (but they have to be pretty ones. for tea and hotchocolate)
-knifes/forks/spoons
-serving utensils
-salad bowl (I would also use for pasta)
-ice cream dishes

I hadn't really thought about funrniture. then I saw this lovely table and chair set at salvation army for $40! it was already sold, but it starting me thinking. I told my dad about it he said I was welcome to store some things in the basement.

Hope Chest

2009-03-06T16:25:00.005-05:00

Hope for the future with Obama's chest!

Ok, no, not that kind of chest.

A hope chest... is a chest used to collect items of clothing or household linen, by unmarried young women in anticipation of married life. From: Wikipedia.com

I have a hope chest. I think I received it for my 12th birthday. When I was younger I made a list of things to start collecting, but I never got anything and as I got older I sorta put the idea of a hope chest behind me. I saw several of my girlfriends get married and recieve everything they needed and more at their bridal showers. Why wouldn't it be the same for me?

Then I started thinking. I won't be getting married for another 3-5 years or so and considering the way our economy is going I think it would be wise to start providing for my future home myself. Many people may want to give me gifts for my marriage, but won't financially be able to. Also, I am very picky about my baking tools. They have to feel just right in my hand. So, I think now I really am going to start collecting. I will be able to find just what I want that may not be at the store I would register at and I can watch out for sales!

So, I have now started collecting things. I can't wait for garage sale season to start! I also keep an eye out in my local dollar store. This past summer I picked some really great drinking glasses there.

Got the Camera, Need More

2009-03-06T16:11:00.004-05:00

I finally have my own camera. It is a Canon Rebel xsi. It is really sweet! I love it more than I thought I would. I think it has already helped my photography skills improve.

Other photography things I would like include:

A bag to safely carry my camera in. Right now I just tote it around in the same bag as my computer and I am quite concerned about it getting harmed. I have no idea what kind of bag I want.
A reflector. This one would be really great! It is really amazing the difference a little reflected light can make in your photographs. This is really high on my list of things to get
extra SD card
extra battery
a longer lens. I haven't really looked into lens, but I would like something at least in the 70mm range.
a lens hood
external flash

Underage Nudity in the Name of Art

2009-03-06T15:45:00.002-05:00

Since the I am going to school for photography I have to deal with a lot of nudity in the name of art. Recently I had an assignment that dealt with the ethics of nudity.

We had to read this artcle:
A Semi-Nude Minor? In The Times?

Dealing with these images:
Galleria

and then answer several questions. One of them being this:
"...what do you think is the most “ethical”
decision for the New York Times regarding the publication of these images?"

Here is my answer:
You can not have morals and ethics without a foundation for right and wrong. You can not define right and wrong without God. A study of God's word will show that God clearly intends nudity to only be right between husband and wife. The images of Ali have been defended in the name of art and criticized because of Ali's age. Age and art do not change God's law. A society that allows nudity beyond the confines of a husband/wife relationship has already decided that they art outside of God's law. They have decided right and wrong is whatever each person chooses for themselves. This society, our society, has moved from protecting morality to merely regulating it. Our society has deemed that it is acceptable for a person above the age of 18 to pose nude if they so desire. Since right and wrong in our society is not based on truth, but instead arbitrary, there is no rational ethical reason that T magazine should not print images of semi-nude minors.

I know I did not actually use scripture in my answer. I had to keep this short and I was more concerned with the idea of absolute right and wrong.

Hello

2009-03-06T15:36:00.003-05:00

Alright, it seems like there is a new fad of people writing blogs. I have actually had this blog for awhile but haven't really written anything in it. I swear I was thinking of reviving it before this new fad. So anyway, hello.